Courtship: Paninilbihan

Philippine views of love and relationships have always been very traditional, this is why one of the most common ways of courting is Paninilbihan.

Paninilbihan means ‘to serve’, this however, does not mean than one has to do the other’s bidding. Paninilbihan is where the pursuer (usually the man), offers to do certain household chores. More often than not it is the chores that requires physical strain. A common misconception is that the man does this for the woman he is pursuing but really it is about easing the load of the woman’s parents.

In these quick sketches you can see some examples of popular chores the suitor would do for the family:

Pagsisibak: Chopping fire wood which will be used for cooking.

Pag-iigib: Fetching water to be used for cooking, cleaning, bathing etc.

Paninilbihan: To serve, in the general sense e.g. carrying the shopping/ groceries for the family

Magbabayo: To pound, this image depicts a couple pounding rice, common in the rice fields. Using a large mortar and pestle to remove the grains from the husks.

Through completing these tasks the suitor has proven the family of ‘woman’ that he is responsible and is able to take care of her. Many people say that this tradition is dying out tradition but it is still within the subconscious of Pinoys. Filipino movies and tv shows still portray this custom today, including the ones that have died out, such as chopping wood. The acts commited through paninilbihan today has just been updated, not erased.

People form Leyte calls this custom “Pangagad” which also means servitude. In the past, pangagad would last up to a year before the mand and woman can get married. The Tagalogs of Luzon also refers to this courtship custom as ”subok” meaning a trial or test period. The Bicol region of Luzon refers to it as “Pamianan”.

In our next blog post, we explore another custom in Philippine courtship traditions.

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